Friday, November 8, 2013

1st birthday, letter to my daughter

Dear Matilda,

There is so much that I want to share with you. How you've made me a better person, how I can't imagine my life without you in it, how I hope we have the sweetest relationship for the rest of my life. I know these are all so cliche, but they are so true. You have made me question my very existence and what the world means, and how short life is, and how I just want to soak up every minute and not miss a single thing. I question everything, and doubt myself often. I wonder about God, and life in general. I fear. I fear for you, your safety, your dreams, my dreams for you. I pray that you will be healthy, and happy, and always have love in your heart and your life. And that I too will see you grow into a beautiful woman someday. An explorer, who loves adventure (like her daddy), but remains cautious (like her momma).

I want you to know how happy I am on this day. Happier than I am on my own birthday... and my own birthday makes me pretty happy! But I am also sad that you are growing so fast. I want to stop time, breathe it all in, make sure I've documented every little detail. It's a sickness really. You fascinate me. From your birth until now, every milestone, and smile, and cry, has been a learning and loving experience to cherish, which is why I'm glad that I can't stop time. I want to see what's next, and then what's after that... I look forward to those moments that come and go, and become memories to keep and store away for "someday".

I know you will hurt, I know your heart will be broken at least once, I know that you will sometimes think that you hate me. But you actually won't. I hope that your dreams come true, whatever those dreams are. Dream big, my girl.

I don't ever want to put pressure on you, but I know I will. Forgive me. Just know that you are loved. By me. By daddy. By everyone. I won't always be perfect, and I don't expect that you will either. I only hope that I can give you the life you deserve. I'll try. I'll try really hard! It'll be a great journey, and one we'll share.

I love you so very much,